Grapple as you Gather

When we think about gatherings many of us think of a group of people coming together to have a good time. For most, gatherings tend to be a light and not at all stressful social event. In November I was invited by my best friend to attend a women’s gathering organized by my former home church. I thought about it and said, maybe. Later I was personally encouraged by my former pastor to attend, and my response was a GIF of Peter from Family Guy mouthing the words Perhaps. I did register for the event but as soon as my mind got a hold of the yes, my body's response was a crippling no. It was odd to think this way when my previous church has known me for more than ten years. My thoughts surged with lies of, "why would they want me there, I'm not part of that church. No one knows me anymore, I'm a stranger. I became uncomfortable. Now, I knew the event was Friday through Sunday. The week prior to the event was quite busy and to be honest I was running on only a few hours of sleep. I decided to skip Friday night and drive early on Saturday morning all this while my sweet friend secretly prayed for me not to cancel last minute. The drive was nice, but it gave time to think and sometimes when I think too much I spiral. My heart began to race as I neared the address. As I parked a sudden sense of regret overcame me and I thought, you can’t leave…they saw you! It’s laughable now but in that moment my throat had a knot. I prayed God fill me with joy and I entered. To my surprise it was a home filled with about 30 women who yelled “JOCELYN!” as soon as I stepped in. I knew about 90% of the women in the room, and they knew me.

That morning we worshipped.

After worship, in a small group women talked about how they almost did not attend due to their feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. It broke my heart to know that the feelings I was experiencing were the same emotions causing others from almost missing out on a beautiful opportunity to rest in good company and friendship. I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. I found comfort in knowing I wasn’t wrestling with anxiety alone.

We grappled as we gathered.

We edified one another. I personally got to hug, break bread and catch up with women I had done life with but had not seen in years. I got to laugh, read, worship, was gifted a nature walk and lastly painted a memory.

I had a wonderful time. I praised God for this graciously given time. I was absolutely delighted and filled with complete joy. I nearly missed this experience because I almost gave into the lies.

I write this because considering the new year we will be invited to plenty of gatherings, events, dates, etc… I ‘m not saying to say yes to all, but I encourage you to not say no simply because you feel uninvited and unwanted; your presence is valued let yourself be known.

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them.”-Matthew 18:20